Stories of Valentine's Day
Stories about Valentine's day history
holiday of Valentine's Day probably derives its origins
from the ancient Roman feast of Lupercalia. In the early
days of Rome, fierce wolves roamed the woods nearby. The
Romans called upon one of their gods, Lupercus, to keep
the wolves away. A festival held in honor of Lupercus was
celebrated February 15th. The festival was celebrated as
a spring festival. Their calender was different at that
time, with February falling in early springtime.
One of the customs of the young people was name-drawing.
On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of
Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed
into jars. Each young man drew a slip. The girl whose
name was chosen was to be his sweetheart for the year
Legend has it that the holiday became Valentine's Day
after a priest named Valentine. Valentine was a priest in
Rome at the time Christianity was a new religion. The
Emperor at that time, Claudius II, ordered the Roman
soldiers NOT to marry or become engaged. Claudius
believed that as married men, his soldiers would want to
stay home with their families rather than fight his wars.
Valentine defied the Emperor's decree and secretly
married the young couples. He was eventually arrested,
imprisoned, and put to death
Valentine was beheaded on February 14th, the eve of the
Roman holiday Lupercalia. After his death, Valentine was
named a saint. As Rome became more Christian, the priests
moved the spring holiday from the 15th of February to the
14th - Valentine's Day. Now the holiday honored Saint
Valentine instead of Lupercus
A BRIEF AND MISINTERPRETTED HISTORY OF VALENTINE'S DAY
Ancient Times: The beginnings of the holiday started with
a dissident tribe of pagans, later identified as a band
of Republican Presidential Candidates. At that time
Hallmark cards were not able to use the modern techniques
of printing such as inkjets and lasers. Instead the
company used the blood of goats of dogs as primitive
forms of ink. To keep the locals unsuspicious of their
capitalistic exploitation of the holiday they presented
the dead animals as a sacrifice to Lupercalia. Also the
origins of dominatrix and sadomasochism are seen at this
time when young men would use the hides to whip the
infertile women of the town asking them "Who's yo'
Christianity: Now, let the pagans have their uncivilized
fun and festivals, and who has to come along and ruin it?
First, it was PETA blowing the whistle on animal cruelty.
Then it was the early Roman Catholic Church, who was
jealous that the most exciting holiday on their calendar
was forty days of giving something up. So, they adopted
the holiday to have wild parties. They gave the holiday
the new name of St. Valentine's Day. Saint Valentint
performed secret marriages and was known in certain
Bishops' circles as a master of Kama Sutra. Later, he was
sentenced to death for some oppressive reason. Before his
death he sent his lover a WallMart Dilbert Card (\$2.85)
signed "Your Valentine."
Medieval: In medieval Europe, the people believed that
the 14th of February was the day that birds selected
their mates. Hence the term "lovebirds." Wow,
they sure were clever. They couldn't figure out how to
cook meat, but they had time to think up witty phrases
like, lovebirds. The first card was officially sent at
this time, a Hallmark fold out, (\$3.50) from a prisoner
in France. The card was actually a cryptic message
plotting his escape. Unfortunately, the wife was
flattered by the message of love and ignored the plan.
Later her husband was beheaded.
Victorian: Everything was mass-produced, and materialism
killed the spirit of the holiday. Oh the joys of the
Industrial Revolution. It turned the world into faceless
masses, inspiring Ayn Rand novels, and in turn inspiring
lots of college kids not to pursue a major in English.
Modern: Today children and lovers celebrate the holiday
together. Children give candy hearts either for the sugar
high or a peck on the cheek behind Mrs. Weidlemeyer's
classroom. On the other hand, lovers exchange chocolate
hearts. They become disillusioned, thinking that on that
night, instead of performing the act of sex, they will
delve into the art of making love. Lovers fill every
restaurant in town, leaving singles to make reservations
even at the drive-thru line at McDonalds.
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history than please mail me at
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